Sweat running all over my chest  I don't quit no!
I just press harder than I ever did before going for
The dreams that I have in store in my mind and I know
That I'm makin it I gotta get mine and nobody's takin it away

Yes, you could read the Michael Schumacher retires again story on any F1 website of your choice.

You probably did, when I was shirking journalistic duty and stuffing my piggy little face with sushi and wine courtesy of the Marussia F1 team.

But is there any other website that will serve you up F1 news with a side dish of MC Hammer? Of course not! It is a niche only I am lame enough to fill.

So Michael Schumacher has retired again, telling the world's media that the time had come to say goodbye, as he no longer had the energy and motivation needed to fight at the top of his field.

Fair enough. He's hardly going to become a more successful driver than he was in 2006, and the only person whose legacy he can beat is his own.

So goodbye, Mr Schumacher. Thanks for the memories, the quotes, and the stories. No thanks for all the squashed toes. What was it about you always stepping on my feet during media briefings?